Why did I flinch?

Last night I played a gig on the 10 caliber at the Jedi Counsel Room. As usual, I set up the gear earlier that day then returned a few minutes before I was to start.

On the way in to play the gig (around 9p) I was approached by a guy who was pan handling. If I was rating pan handler's tactics on a 1-10 scale, I'd give the guy a 6.5. He was genuinely pleasant as opposed to obnoxious or demanding. Plus, he really didn't ask for much ("a buck"...ask and you shall receive). However, his approach was very aggressive as he made a blatant B-line across an intersection and hit on me in the middle of a street crossing.

I asked for his name and he said his name was Jason. I asked how long he's been in the fair mother city and he said about 8 years. I had never seen him before, which that's possible, but not too realistic.

Ultimately, I was just ashamed of myself and I don't know why. Once upon a time I knew 80% of the street regulars in town. I've been off that beat for 3.5 years and I feel that I've lost "it"...and I don't exactly know what "it" is. My relations? My touch? My heart?

I mean, I spotted the guy across the street before he hit on me and kept a suspicious peripheral eye on him. His aggressive approach made me mad, but I think I hid it well. And why was I suspicious of his needs and/or story? As if I have the right to screen every applicant who asks for something.

This has not been my ways of the past.

But it is as if judgments in my heart against pan handlers have snuck up on me in these last 3.5 years.

I don't like this.