Saturday, April 15, 2006

Diary of a single mom

A few weeks ago we received one of the many random surprise visits from April Hawk and her 19 year old daughter Fresca. They use to come get groceries several years ago at the izzy food pantry that Agent Wife and I worked at.

April has a 18 year old son, Saul, who has been in a lot of trouble on and off throughout his life. Her daughter Fresca has a 2 year old boy and is now pregnant again.

At first glance, the Hawks don't look like the typical working poor/poverty family in the fair mother city. They look like average people in average clothes and work average jobs. Nothing special or out of the ordinary.

But after knowing them, we see a little deeper into their life. April is always employed, but rarely stays at the same low paying job for more than 6-8 months. She always develops an issue with a boss or coworker. Or she gets injured on the job or develops some sickness that keeps her from work for extended periods.

The Hawks always have a roof over their head, but rarely have the same residence for more than 6-8 months. They get behind on bills. And the best way to avoid bill collectors and evictions is to up and move in the dark of night and start over somewhere else. April even bought a house once, located two streets over from where I live now. But they lost it due to several bad decisions.

The one constant in their life is change. They live and revolve around change. And change is almost always thrust upon them because of (as I see it) living outside the ordained order of things by the CEO. I don't believe the CEO punishes people who live by their own rules. But rather...when you live by your own rules, you therefore live with the consequences of those actions. Or by your own rules is equivalent to living outside the CEO's protection. I don't know.

In comparison, we don't have any more money than April and her family have. We are in the same social and financial vain. But their life is constant disaster and ours isn't. This is not a self righteous plea. My family and I make mistakes and we sin. But thankfully the CEO gives us grace and we repent and move on. The Hawks keep repeating the same actions over and over.

We love the Hawks and wish we were in closer contact. But their phone number and address changes all the time. So the only way we hear from them is when they drop by and say hi.

I pray for the opportunity to share some truths with her. I don't feel right in my heart about just blurting out the facts of the CEO at any ole moment in time. I have to detect if she's ready to receive. And for the last 6-7 years, she hasn't been.

CEO: please bring April Hawk into our lives again with an open heart and the right timing. Thank you.


Will Spina said...

Romans 1. I think it makes the case that the CEO gives us over to whatever choices we choose to make. God will let us have whatever kind of life we want for the most part. Are we sure we want what we want though? With the choice comes the consequence. Because we are certifiably so bad at doing anything really good, this is supposed to drive us down to our knees- to force us to admit that only he is right. This only works with a heart that is pliable. You can be assured that God has been attempting to tenderise the heart of everyone who walks the Earth including your friends with the bad choices.
We need him and we need him bad. We need to believe that we need him. We need to know that we need him bad from our hearts. It takes a lot of sin to know that we need him. Then God can accomplish all kinds of good through us.
At this point- when a person realizes, he or she will cling desperately to God's word and finds that they are the path of life. So many Christians are not cleaving to his word like it is life itself.
That is why I and countless others try to cling with every fiber of our beings to the scriptures. I know that human understanding will not profit us one bit. I am not a preacher for the church of Christ, I am preacher for Jesus Christ. Why do you think it takes us so long to get this? Why do some never get this? We just keep inventing more religions, don't we? Until we know from our hearts that it is all about him we have never really worshipped him.
Thank you for caring about someone's soul. I think you are seeing her with the eyes of Christ. I think you see that her need is deeper than food or any other material that you would so willingly give to make it all better.
As for finding the right time to share truths with someone, permit me to share one little tidbit (dare I say this?) of wisdom that I believe the Spirit of the CEO has provided me with. Finding the right time to share Gospel truth with another is not so much dependent on them as it is dependent on the one sharing. I have been taught that we tend to overfocus on the one being shared with and don't focus enough on ourselves. The right time to share truths is when YOU are willing to love the listener, listen to the listener, and share only exactly what the CEO says from his word -not to gain a convert for you or your church but a convert for him. Until I get myself in the right frame of mind, there is never a right time to share. When I am in the right frame of mind it is always the right time to share and always the right moment. These qualities are the most powerful and can at times shatter the most unreceptive person, restore to presence of mind the most desperate irrational ones, and defeat the defensive deflecting that so many do so well. Anyway, you can take me or leave me.

Agent B said...

Will -

I've never read "War & Peace". Ya know why? Too damn long.

I've never read the Lord of the Rings books. Ya know why? Too damn long.

And I've yet to make it through one of your blog posts. Ya know why?

OK, that bad joke is now outta the way...thanks for your words. I'll take them.

I do have a strong belief in my "gut". Like, I know in my gut when to speak or shut up. And when I go against that "gut", 99% of the time I know it was the wrong move. Maybe it's a way the CEO keeps me in check.

Timing is always the key. April Hawk and her family have known me and Agent wife since '99. She know's "of" the CEO and sees him at work in my family. She acknowledged once how things always seem to go well for us, etc.

She breezes in and out of our life so quickly yet sparsely that there's rarely a moment to get a word of truth in.

But I know that day will come. I won't make it happen. It will happen when it's time.

...always enjoy your input.

Will Spina said...

hey man....
you know... i try to give a full course meal, not just the appetizers... brevity can breed misunderstandings through what is unspoken and longevity can breed contempt through what is. It's always a toss up. I guess I go for contempt!