Thursday, March 09, 2006

Outside of deep cover

Before my identity as "Agent B" came into existence, I was known as "(my real name here) - (my musical instrument type here) player". If there was a hoity-toity upper-crusty socialite affair in the fair mother city, I was most likely present providing background music or some other nonsense.

One cannot be a full time musician in the fair mother city. It's impossible. There's not enough jobs to financially sustain oneself. You need to move to Austin if you're going to take music seriously in Texas. But in Abilene, you can make a modest side income. I once did.

Two weeks ago, a local art joint called me to do a gig tonight. This was the first call I've had in ages. And it happened because I ran into the curator a couple of months ago at the jedi counsel room and said, "hey, when can i come play again?".

I was fairly nervous this afternoon before the gig. It had little to do with "playing in front of people". I think it was nervousness from...stepping outside of my undercover operation for the first time in about 3 years and back into a role I tried getting away from.

Coming out from deep cover was far more difficult than I thought. was hard for me to identify with the other side of life again. I feel like Isaiah in chapter 6: "Whoa to me for I am ruined". I've been with the people of unclean, foul-mouthed lips and I have seen the CEO.

Getting to the gig was our first scheduling conflict as a one car family. Agent Wife had her swim class to teach. Agent Offspring was going to a friend's house. So I had to be dropped off down town an hour early. I wasn't about to sit around the art gathering that long before a gig, so I sat in the library. I ran into a couple of homeless guys I knew from the Baptist Beach Head. It was great to see them. Then just 1 block away was a whole different social universe. One I was about to perform in, yet one I haven't been a part of in years. It took some mental deprogramming before walking that one block distance.

In the end, I think I made some new contacts this evening and rekindled some old ones. Most people thought I'd left town. Perhaps I can make some income doing the one thing I can do fairly well.

It's gonna take some more deprogramming.


Mark said...

i feel as if in many ways my life is moving in the other direction. from the blue collar to the "white-collar-stole-my-collar" groups. i guess as ministers of the lord, we have to be ready to move in and out of social circles, always seeing ourselves as aliens. now there's a agentb-files episode for ya!

miller said...

Jesus moved in any medium equally well... from what i could tell last night, you were right at home.

and i really enjoyed the music!


Agent B said...

Thanks jack.

I should probably make myself more clear.

I can hang w/ the middle class (I am one). And for an evening, I can fake it pretty good with the upper crustys (not that last night was too upper crust...more like "free night" at the gallery).

I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm learning how to shift gears. Over time I've slowly immersed myself w/ the poverty culture. Last night was like jumping out of a hot tub into a cold pool. Takes some getting use to.

Learning to drive a stick shift again...