In case of emergency, break glass

An action was taken today that I've been avoiding for a long time. I engaged one of my emergency plans.

Pretty much our whole married life, Agent Wife & I had some sort of faith-type financial living. Well, sometimes we had steady income from somewhere. That was always nice even if it was magic beans.

Things started getting really risky looking since last September. I can't always remember how we got through one month to the next (wish I kept better records of the CEO's goodness. It's always cool to look back on them). But our needs have always been met and we've never had a bill come due without having the bucks to pay it. Until now.

We've got a couple of weeks until they tack a late charge on this bill. Then a couple of weeks after that before people start harassing me on the phone. I really believe the CEO will pull though. He always has.

But faithlessness taunts me on days like today. The world's system laughs at me. Am I just really an idiot? Has the whole izzy group ministry sunk around me like the titanic and I've just been playing the fiddle up on deck for the last 3 years? Or is this yet another faith test? Do I need to withdraw from the relationships I keep full time and go back to work in the middle class world? Do I doubt my calling as a secret agent?

I own 2 cars. Thankfully, I've never had a car payment in my life. They were both gifts. Agent Wife & I got by on one car for 3 years, so I'm sure we could do it again. Today, I put a for sale sign in the window of our Sable and parked it by a busy street where people sell their cars. I figure...if it sells, great. We can live off that money for a month or so. If it doesn't sell, maybe the CEO has something better in store.

I could also sell some music instruments. But ironically, I got called for a gig next week (my first one in a year). Maybe this will be my last gig ever.

I feel like a dork for saying this, but leaving that car on the sale lot made me feel like I could identify with Abraham lifting the knife over Isaac. Of course, there's a world of difference. Selling your car...killing your kid. But when that '94 Sable was given to us, it was a huge miracle and answer to prayer. We had this junker '82 Toyota that blew up on the freeway one day. That was our only car and we were sick of fixing it. Then the next day some friends drove this Sable up in our driveway and said "here". It was the nicest car we've ever had - 4 doors, and an AC that worked. We drove it to Saskatchewan and back one summer. I had always planned on giving that car to someone in need when the time came to get rid of it.

I refuse to use this blog as a manipulation or sympathy tool. I believe in only telling the CEO my needs, not manipulating people. But I write this to covet your prayers on what to do. There's too many good things happening (like the latest Table report) for this whole secret agent life to be a fluke.

Maybe the CEO will provide a ram real soon.