Fish out of water...ramblings

I went to a church with my dad yesterday here in the fair mother city. It was a megachurch in the church of christ denomination. And they'd hate to hear me call them a denomination since the proudly think they're not. But they are, believe me. I live in the city of their unofficial headquarters.

I've been this coc megachurch several times before. I lived around the block from it for 5 years before we moved to Undercover Lane.

If you've ever read the agent b files for half a second, you know I'm not gung ho on churches, aka sunday morning social clubs. But if I'm going to visit one, a mega church is fine with me. It's big enough to slip in and out unnoticed. Nobody's standing in the front area trying to hard-sell me their membership package. So I went unnoticed, with the exception of sitting near 3 families that I went to school with, one of which I haven't seen since I graduated 12 years ago. They were visiting town. So, great. I run into people who knew me in my fool-hardy long-haired days of youth. And now I'm living foolish long-haired days of mid 30's (we all come full circle, mine came sooner than expected). Thank god they didn't ask me what I do these days. I most always fear those discussions where I'm invited to say something impressive about myself. And I don't have anything impressive to say. No one in the coc realm would take my gags about undercover work, or even "a missionary in Abilene" line seriously at all. Well, I'm a dad now. That usually gets the conversation off my lack of profession.

The "service" (sarcastic quotes intentional) was fine. After being out of the church culture for 3 years I finally realize how much of a show everything really is. This is no new discovery. Christ followers have complained about this for years, but nobody knows what to do about it other than keep the show going week after week. When the service starts, I can hear ELP screaming, "Welcome back my friends, to the show that never ends". Honestly, I'm not trying to bag on this church. They're great people. I know many of them and have had secret agent dealings with some of them too. But sitting through church is like a really boring-ass TV show. Critics of me would say, "Well, it shouldn't be about you. You are there to worship the LORD". If sitting through a methodical, weird cultured order of events is worship then game's over...I'm outta here. Oh wait, I already am. I'd like to make my whole life be a worship anyway.

Dad later asked me my opinion about their budget statement. I guess this sunday was their brief business talk from one of the elders. He said their overall income in 2005 was $2.3 million and they gave $1.6 to missions. That's like over 50%. Very impressive. The million dollar income was jaw dropping (not surprising, they're the 3rd largest coc in the world) but I was impressed with their percentages. George Barna reports that the average church in North America spends 98% of its income on itself (ie: maintaining a meeting) and 2% for missional work. Sick. But still, if I was in charge of $2.3 million dollar jack, there sure as hell wouldn't be no mega meeting to maintain with it. But that's just me...

Then the day before (Saturday) I ran into a woman from the charismatic church I used to be at. She asked me where I went to church now. For the first time in 3 years I told the truth: nowhere. Her face turned sorrowful like I had said I worship satan and drink blood. Or became a Methodist. Nothing of the sort, I am obeying the CEO for what has been called of me. If I was to explain my life to her in 10 seconds or less it would come across as desperate for approval or arrogant. It'd break the Matt 6:1-4 moniker. So, until further notice, my reply is nowhere.

I just don't know where I fit in anymore. And I'm not so sure that's a bad thing.