As written here before, Tiger Sanford (aka The Tiger) is my 16 year old next door neighbor who lives in generational poverty (a term from Payne's "A Framework for Understanding Poverty"). Before we moved next door, Agent Wife & I knew The Tiger and his extended family from the old izzy food pantry days. The Bossman has known him since he was 6.
The Tiger loves to work, especially if the work involves some sort of loud, manly, motorized power tool. Especially if that tool is a chainsaw.
I miss hanging out with The Tiger. He and his brother and sister used to play board games at our house every night after dinner. They're too cool for that now, so I don't get to see him much, unless I'm in the back yard running motorized equipment.
My dear friend Grandma Nelly, who has kept me somewhat employed doing odd jobs during this desperate time in my financial life, needed a limb cut up that fell from a 2 story cedar tree. Sounds like quality time with The Tiger, I figure. Especially since I don't own a chainsaw and he has five...and begs for opportunities to use them.
I learn so much about the poverty culture by hanging out with a teenager who knows nothing outside of the poverty world in the fair mother city.
Grandma Nelly lives two blocks from ACU, which is within (what I call) the ACU Biosphere. The houses are older than my neighborhood, but it's kept up fairly well since it's a college neighborhood (lots of money-making rental properties, etc). We turn onto the main drag, Washington Blvd, and The Tiger says, "This is a rich neighborhood". So I say, "Well, actually it's about 80% college kids which makes it a rental neighborhood. And I guess those kids go to an expensive private school and their parents might be rich, so you're right. It's a rich neighborhood".
Then we drive by a car full of people all dressed up. So he says, "Look. They all wear nice suits around here". I reply, "They're probably going to church or a social club function or something. We're wearing flannels because we're about to chop up a tree".
In The Tiger's world view, you're either "rich" or "poor". Rich means your things look nice. Poor means things look crappy. It's all based on looks and there's no middle ground. No "how much or little" you own. No "how many friends you have". Just "does it look nice".
But yesterday his mom Frieda gave us two nice dress outfits for Agent Offspring #1 that she bought in a garage sale. They were brand new (still had tags). And they find nice stuff like that all the time for themselves too.
I'm a little confused on The Tiger's definition of rich and poor. I suspect being "poor" is kind of a tough-guy identity he's embraced.
6 comments:
Maybe he thinks if he's poor nobody will expect anything from him.
I've never thought about "poor" people having less expected of them. You may be on to something. Elaborate if you will...
He *does* live with few expectations. And the few he has, he despises.
I just know in my own life that my family and friends who knew of our financial situation never expected us to pay for anything. If they asked us to go to the movies, or amusement park, or out to eat, even if we had the money they always paid for it.
I think they thought because we didn’t have a lot of money we couldn’t splurge now and then on something. So they just paid. I think that when you don’t have expectations placed on you...you don’t usually make them for yourselves. My parents said we were poor...so that’s what we were. No one in my family had ever gone to college and they were just fine...so why should I go? My dad has worked odd jobs his whole life and he’s made it okay...so my brother does the same. The government will keep handing it out if I just say I need it...so that’s what my sister gets.
I am a believer your kids will only rise to the expectations you place for them. Abbey is expected to be a good girl at her dad’s house even though she is spoiled rotten at her mother’s. And so she acts accordingly here. And Max is a whole different story. If we don’t expect he will get any better...or excel in life...or walk...or crawl...or talk...or eat on his own...quite simply I don’t think he will. I don’t know that he will do all of those things...or any of them...but if we don’t allow him to get to that point by placing low expectations on his he never will reach any of those goals.
I don't know-growing up, I never thought we were poor, but looking back, we were-at least for the town and area we lived in. I know now we were sort of poor because I remember my mother paying the heating bill and the electricity bill, but she would put the opposite checks in each bill payment so it would take the companies a few weeks to notice the mistake, call us, send them both back to us, and by then, my mother had a new paycheck coming to her to cover the costs of both.
Deana - OK, I see what you're saying now. I've always related that to discipline but for some reason I've rarely transfered that thinking over to one's identity ("I'm poor", etc).
Makes a lot of sense. Share more if you have it.
Before girl - Thanks for sharing! I never heard of that tactic before. I bet it works well! Most of the people I know just move, open new utility accounts under a fake name, and start over.
Yeah Scott...restaurants. That's pretty foriegn to them I guess.
The waitress interaction...I know the teens next door are horrible with human contact outside of a street environment. The Tiger's sister, Jessie, was practicing for a job interview with Agent Wife. Jessie couldn't look her in the eye and she only mumbled. Part of that is lack of confidence.
I guess one good thing about the church club is that it teaches kids how to 'engage' people on a professional (look them in the eye, shake hands, say your name clearly, etc)...not that being professional is neccessarily a godly thing.
...and I swear my word verification is "fckjef". I hope Gentry is not reading this...
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