...towards the end

Obi-Wan's getting worse. Age is taxing him, as it will do us all. Diabetes is an added burden. A heavy one.

He loses more and more feeling in his arthritic, clenched hands daily. His legs are losing strength like a tire with a slow leak. And there ain't no fix-a-flat. Monday he fell on his back porch. This morning I find him on his bedroom floor. And it took us both 5 minutes to get him up.

Tonight he took his insulin 4 hours late because he forgot about it. Then he didn't have the strength to get up from his captain's chair. I stayed with him to make sure he took it causing me to miss Agent Offspring's bath time (my nightly ritual). But Agent Wife pulled through.

Obi-Wan knows he has serious decisions to make soon. He went to the doctor on Tuesday and told me that he didn't look forward to the next visit because he thinks the doc will strongly suggest he go into a nursing home. With a tear in his eye, he tells me that if that happens he knows he won't be around much longer. His most recent wife died soon after she was admitted to a home because she lost the will to live. He fears the same.

Obi-Wan's two desires in life: that he can live in his own house and that he can use his own two feet (no wheelchair) all the way until the end.

I've never had a friend that I had to ask "did you eat today?" or "have you taken your insulin?" or "do you have difficulty bathing?"

I've never had a friend that served as a mentor, teacher, cook, and generous giver.

In his bedroom tonight...I was looking at pictures in a frame from his birthday party a year and a half ago. It was a fun night. The Tiger (teenager next door) cooked brisket. Agent Wife made cake. Neighbors came. People from Obi-Wan's church came. The mail lady and her family came. Black, white, hispanic. It was beautiful. Obi-Wan looked so healthy and full of life.

Lord, help us. His two desires are looking unrealistic.