Thursday, January 11, 2007


“God helps those who help themselves.”

What a load of crappity-crap crap.

According to my heavy intellectual and thorough research (5 minutes on google), the above phrase is the most quoted bible verse that’s not in the bible.

One site claims that the author of this quote is Ben Franklin.

This quote is also about as polar opposite of various biblical verses as you can get, such as Jeremiah 17:5-8 and Matthew 6:25-34. So I figure this quote couldn’t be the ways of the CEO. Why would he oppose himself?

Jesus didn’t trust in his own flesh by going out and fishing to feed the massive crowds. He instead took some kid’s lunch and trusted the CEO to provide from that.

However, I am not endorsing sloth or laziness by opposing this pseudo verse. There’s plenty of ammo backing anti-sloth, like Proverbs 26:14-16.

Even Paul (author of much of the new testament and former terrorist) boasted of working with his own hands and recommended others with The Way to do the same. And I don’t know if “working” means being employed. More like earning one’s keep in every situation in life. Such as if you’re staying at someone’s house, pitch in dammit! Contribute to the entire collective. Don't camp out on the receiving end.

Most middle-class/wealthy christians use the above quote, as well as Jesus’s “the poor will be with you always” to avoid serving the poor. Thus, creating further “us vs. them” insulation with the poor.

What a crock.


Matthew said...

Nice crock.

What's in it? ;)

Scott said...

What??? That isn't in the Bible? Well, at least "cleanliness is next to godliness" is still in there.

Messianic Gentile said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Miller said...


there's probably a mirror in there...


great post b


Mark said...

wow! "Crappity-crap crap". That's pretty intense. That must be like post-Los-Arcos-Mexican-Food kinda crap huh?

Matthew said...


I'm going to just assume miller's not calling me crap-face.

Anonymous said...

Sayings Not Found in Scripture We often get questions by people asking us to locate various sayings in the Bible which do not exist. Many sayings have developed throughout the years by a variety of means. Scripture supports the purposes of some of the sayings while contradicting others. Sayings
Moderation in all things.
Once saved, always saved.
Better to cast your seed....
Spare the rod, spoil the child.
To thine ownself be true.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
God helps those who help themselves.
Money is the root of all evil.
Cleanliness is next to godliness.
This too shall pass.
God works in mysterious ways.
The eye is the window to the soul.

The Three Wisemen
The Sinner's Prayer
Wedding Vows
The Seven Deadly Sins

Anonymous said...

You my friend are no more than a Glorified Sloth.

You actually think God wants yo uto sit and Wait? WE are on this earth to learn how to LOVE and FORGIVE. I believe it's already too late for you to do that.

While the above saying may not be in the Bible.. I do recall the good book stating several things about Being a Man of God. which means- Providing for your family.(not waiting for others to bring food to you and send $$$$ through mysterious checks.. AKA Foodstamps and welfare checks.) You can do both- work and minister to people that need you. which sounds like your neighbor- who you mock... is crying out for some help. (duh..)

You are no more doing what people do on there weekends off- visit, and eat and watch t.v.

Get off your A** and quit stating how you hate Christianity and what it stands for. We hate sloths like you.

God bless. At least some of us have comfort in knowing where are next meal is coming from.

Oh, and by the way... what a great example you are to your children. waht happens if they need medical attention??

Miller said...


i didn't call you a crap face!

i said there might be a mirror in there...

which means i see my face when i look in there


you say "We hate sloths like you."

all i have to say to that is...

nice, i'm sure you speak for many who claim to follow Jesus...

but do not fool yourself, you do not speak for Jesus and you do not speak for me...

you make me sad

Agent B said...


You left out two "s"es is ASS.

Get it right.

Mike said...

weird, i left a comment for annon but it didn't make it on here some how. oh well.

i will sum up.

Dear Annon...

you are a fuck bag.

and you do not know what you are talking about.

in conclusion,

shut up.



Anonymous said...

Well b.......
Looks like I touched a nerve there...
When I wrote you as a friend the other day, I didnt expect you exactly to take it in stride, but I certainly didnt expect you to respond in the tone or demeanor you did either. I wasnt argueing with you.
If you want to mud sling, hey no problem. Its your forum.
Problem of it is, winning an argument over the internet is like winning the Special Olympics pal: youre still RETARDED.

Couple of corrections for you:
1- Never stated, "God helps those who help themselves", was a verse. Thanx for pointing that out to no one.
2- I, like everyone else, could or can come up with tons of scriptures out of the Bible, to promote their own agenda or twist them to whatever effect they wish. How many would you like me to come up with? This whole page could turn into a, "my scripture is better than your scripture", contest. So try & keep that to a minimum.

None of my previous post was wrote in a fasion of being condescending torwards you. I wish the best for your family as I wish for mine.
I have to agree with the other anon on one point though;
I just dont take a wait & see attitude or mentallity to keep my family fed, clothed, sheltered or medically cared for. I dont mind working my butt off for health insurance and make sacrifices in order to make sure my family will have proper medical treatment in case they're involved in a car accident, with $500,000 worth of hospital bills. You can obviously take care of your familiy as you see fit. I just dont like taking that risk with mine. Maybe you ought to move to canada. At least they can hand out free health care for you.
You could work for Blockbuster, Sears or BFI, but I guess thats beneath you.

agent wife said...

This is too good NOT to comment. Anon said: "You actually think God wants yo uto sit and Wait? WE are on this earth to learn how to LOVE and FORGIVE "

I could start an entire series with that headline:
You actually think... God told you to build an ark when it's never even rained.
You actually think...God is going to make you a father of nations-Abram, you old fool
You actually think...God wants you to kill your son- Isaac, the one who would fulfill your crazy promise!
You actually think...God wants you to leave your place of influence, Moses and go into a desert- to what, herd sheep?
You actually think...God told you to whittle down your army until there were only a few hundred against thousands upon thousands.
You actually think...God will take you, a nobody, teenage girl and impregnate you by his Holy Spirit! And that YOUR son would be the Messiah? What would people think?
None of these things and myriad others made any sense, they were contrary to reason and the world's system. They were from God. They were received by faith and lauded by the Father.

About the waiting part, it says (Heb.11:13) "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth".

Waiting has everything to do with loving and forgiving. When we wait, when we forsake the world system of constantly gratifying self, of busying ourselves, we can hear the cries and needs of others, sit with them and be there to love them.

This is what a Christian on my block told me when we moved here: I'm glad you are there for Sally, she really needs someone and I'm too busy with church. The kingdom is among us, not locked away in a building and it can not be found if we are locked away in our comforts and continual striving for "the american dream" either.

Thus said, I do not find it uncharacteristic of the Father at all to say WAIT. Not that I like it, but we are finding HIM in the waiting, that He does provide, that He is faithful and that we are able, because of this unconventional life, to be there for people who would normally be written off. We happen to be there for the call when someone comes up sick or dying or in need of a friend and there is no greater priviledge than to walk them through their moments of greatest need.

Mike said...

nice, agent wife said most of what i tried to post (but it didn't get posted thanks blogger for taking a dump on that one) and she did it with out calling annon a fuck bag.

but i maintain that annon is a fuck bag.

but then, i am probably going to hell by his standards.

Anonymous said...

And she can keep squirting out those kids to build up the welfare tickets. ha ha ha ha.......
crappitty crappitty A** crap!!
Im goin to hell NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
Burn baby burn
buckfag Mikey! Hows your diaper rash?

Agent B said...

And to think, I didn’t know if anyone read this thing anymore.

I’m confident in my calling.

Some corrections to Anon’s inaccuracies:

1) Agent B has never asked anyone for anything (or at least not without a plan to repay). I do not coerce or manipulate people to get my needs met. We have never received welfare or food stamps. We do not live off family either. The CEO has provided. And I call these provisions miracles because they are. I do not wait (ie: expect) for people to bring me stuff. It just arrives.

2) Agent B has never received a mysterious check. I did once receive an envelope with $202 cash from a zip code in Sacramento, CA with no return address. Weird because I don’t know anyone in or near Sacramento, much less how they got my real name and address. And why $202?! And not just an even $200? Later that week the number “2” seemed to pop up in every detail of my life. Weird.

3) You said sounds like your neighbor- who you mock. When did I ever mock a neighbor?

4) I don’t watch TV. OK, I watch “Criminal Minds” with Obi-Wan every Wednesday. It’s quality time…

5) What if my children need med attention? Hell, I don’t know. What if I slip on a bar of soap in the shower? (Hot damn! I could get killed!). I guess I’ll just…trust in the CEO. It’s worked so far.

6) I am not mud slinging. I answer back in this tone with all people who hide behind anonymity without a benevolent reason.

7) “I have to agree with the other anon” – you mean there’s 2 anons here? But you’re all from the same web IP address?

8) This post (titled “crock”) was not a personal jab at you. In the comment you left on “token reflections” you mentioned the “god helps those” quote. That comment of yours simply reminded me of how much I despise this quote. And my point on “crock” was not the quote’s absence from the bible. But that the quote is not true.

“You could work for Blockbuster, Sears or BFI, but I guess thats beneath you.”

Curious. Why did you mention Sears?

To all my other agent friends: thanks for the defenses. From here on out, please refrain from attacks on anon. He (she) is welcome here.

agent wife said...

The other night I thought of another relevant tidbit concerning the "help yourself" adage. How did Jesus walk out his life? He left carpentry, wandered the streets, broke a whole lot of religious laws, didn't have money saved up for taxes, or any money really except what was provided by some WOMEN who travelled along with them from time to time-- how did that look then? how would it look now? He also entrusted his money with a thief, who He knew was a thief and knew would turn on Him. How is that for poor money management? The fact is He could have provided for himself and his gang by a profession (carpentry or he wasn't such a bad fisherman either), but instead he lived by the Spirit. And when the disciples pulled in their greatest catch ever, they too left it all to follow this man.

Even still with his meager physical resources, He fed thousands, healed myriads, brought life to countless numbers, defeated death, overcame sin, changed the world, changed eternity.

And we're called to be like Him.

I'm not saying everyone is called to leave their profession and roam the streets or live financially by faith (as we are calling it), but it should not be surprising to us that He may call some to this life. And even though we have been living it some 2 years so far, it still surprises and awes me. But God is faithful.

Jason & Nicole said...

I really appreciate and give thanks to God for people who follow in Christ's footsteps literally. Even if/when they are a little out of their mind, which I don't at all think Agent B or Wife are, I have to respect their life's testimony to God's character. Isn't it telling that God's exact representation came in a life so humble as Jesus'? Off the top of my head I remember that his support came from a handful of women (Luke 8:1ff). We can make all kinds of speculations about what the Messiah would have done with those donations in today's Western world. I don't think he would have worried at all about things like retirement, though. Not that I think it's wrong to purchase mutual funds or whatever. I just don't blame people for following in the Lord's steps, especially when God has called them to follow literally or even semi-literally. In fact, it is difficult for me to believe God only expects a miniscule percentage of his people to be like his Son with regard to their attitude toward wealth.

I think Agent B and Wife are no more dependent on the CEO than the ceo of Sears or than anon for that matter. If God wants to take the breath of life from us, insurance and medical attention will not save us. Our "working" only has value if it is what God wants us to do. "Working" has no value on its own.

God, bless Agent B and family. I praise your name because of the life you have given them and that they have accepted. Make us all humble, grateful, and submissive to your will. Amen.

Pastor Phil said...


I have seen such vitriol roll off someone's keyboard only a few times. I've been on the receiving end of it myself.

It is painful to read these things, and my heart and prayer goes to you my friend B.

May you find peace with your anonymous friend from Sears.

Phil - an admirer from Salem

Agent B said...

Thanks for all the friendship and well wishes, etc.

I assure you all...I lost no sleep over this.

Many of my blogging friends (Mike, Dr. James and others) have always had the privilage of receiving what I called "anonymous jackass comments".

I'm surprised it took since Aug '05 to finally receive one. I have arrived. I'm in the club.