Thursday, July 13, 2006

Reality check

No one likes having their sin and ugliness exposed. Certainly not me. But it happens to me all the time. I get prideful in thinking I am a certain way. Then that proverbial mirror passes my way. I hate that mirror.

I'm just thankful the CEO often exposes my hardened heart to me only and not out in public...much.

Tuesday was a historic day in the agent family: my second child was born. We had a new doctor this time around and we loved her. The birthing experience (for a hospital one) was beyond excellent. But the hospital stay absolutely sucked.

This was opposite from Agent Offspring #1's birth where the hospital stay was like being in a nice motel...with total strangers coming in every hour at night checking out your wife. We had a private room and everything was excellent: nurses, facilities, policies, etc.

This time around we might has well been staying in the Salvation Army's gym floor. I didn't realize how spoiled we were the first time around. This time the nurses sucked. They took our baby and did stuff to AO#2 that we didn't want done without our knowing. The facility was lousy and tiny.

...and Agent Wife got a roommate.

I thought shared rooms were a thing of the past. Guess I don't hang out in hospitals much.

Her roommate was nice and all. She was from the inner-city poverty culture. Should be right up my alley. But I was mad.

I wanted AO2's first day on earth to be a bonding experience with family. Me, Agent Wife, and AO2. Period. You know...spend the night with each other, hang out, uhh...pray...I don't know. Just bond.

But instead we got the loud, inner-city culture on the other side of the curtain. TV on constantly. The loudest phone ever created by man...ringing non-stop. A crowd of loud, talking people, all with cell phones ringing non-stop.

And there was no room for me to stay. But we live 5 minutes from the hospital.

I was mad. Pissed. I wanted what I wanted. And instead I felt as though my precious first-day moment with AO2 was robbed.

But of course, Agent Wife really got to know her roommate Cheyenne and her new daughter Shaniqua.

Cheyenne is 25. This was her first birth and she hopes her last. She made no mention of the baby's father.

I overheard Cheyenne filling out a form with a nurse. She lives in a well known government housing project and has no job. She sounded mildly ashamed stating all that out loud.

Cheyenne has a niece in the same hospital on a different floor. The niece was there because she was one of three drive-by shooting victims a week and a half ago in a tough, west side neighborhood. It was big news around the fair mother city.

Cheyenne's life seemed full of joy though. About half of the poverty culture in the fair mother city came to visit her. Compared to our one visitor, I'm thinking Cheyenne's pretty well loved. Not that we aren't or anything. There was hardly any room for visitors to come see us anyway. But to our defense, this is our 2nd baby which is never as big a deal as the first.

Half of Cheyenne's visitors arrived by city bus. Our one visitor drove her own car.

All this to say...what the hell am I thinking? Where is my heart? The Cheyenne's of this town are the people I'm called to know and befriend.

Is my life and calling supposed to go on hold when I'm out from my normal context?? I hate these reality checks.


james said...

Good words man. Thanks for sharing your perspective. I think the "entitlement factor" is something we all wrestle with to some degree. We have a specific mental template of how something is supposed to go and when it doesn't we feel a bit cheated.

Granted, I want everything to go as picture perfect as possible for you B, especially as it pertains to your family. So count me in along side you with the hardened heart factor you mentioned early in the post.

Thanks for your humility, and thanks for being you. And congrats on AO#2.

Pastor Phil said...

Great Lesson.

I imagine Agent's wife took it all in stride, while you struggled? Happens like that doesn't it?

May God deliver us from ourselves.

Grace at you bro.

Agent B said...

Oh yea. Agent Wife not only took everything in stride, but she thoroughly enjoyed it. I was the only mad one.

AW is good that way. She always balances me out pretty well.

Thanks guys.

Pastor Phil said...

Agent Wife way too cool.

That's where your grace was bro.