In recent days I have been at an all time low in my secret agent assignment.
Having unpaid bills pile up on my desk all while becoming a father again has its stressful moments.
Just when this season of lack seems to have hit rock bottom, it reaches new depths.
Our current (and only) transportation, the Millenium Falcon, is having electrical problems. The alternator seems to be going out. At least it ain't the hyper-drive.
I've never wanted to be one of those people who trust in the CEO one moment, then the second their refrigerator blows up they're blaming and cursing the CEO. Like he's in the business of destroying appliances or something.
When the Falcon showed no life signs, I didn't get mad at the CEO. He didn't do this. My car is old. That is the real culprit.
I did get discouraged over the Falcon. Highly discouraged. I feel like David in that I should write a "woe is me" Psalm. The kind that goes, "my world is falling apart. I have a new mouth to feed. Everyone is after me and I'm hiding in a cave. Poison arrows fly by my head. And my car won't run. Rescue me Lord".
Kind of sounds like a country song minus the beer, divorce, and dog getting run over.
But thankfully encouragement arrived in the form of The Bossman and later the Organic Guy showing up out of the blue to bring baby oriented gifts, food and blessings.
Thank you CEO. I will not take this for granted.
I despise coming across on this blog like a wounded little puppy. But I'm in need. I'm not wounded. Nor a puppy.
I ask for your encouraging prayers.
And I ask the CEO for a clear sign if I am to remain as an agent in this capacity (ie: send provision ASAP) or move on.
Perhaps not being able to pay bills is a clear sign...
PS - there may be more to report about our car situation later this week. Wait and see.
5 comments:
i'm still with you man.
as i write this i'm looking at your previous posts links and the second from the bottom starts "plight of the poor"...
you are gaining experience here of a kind that goes beyond mere observation.
that, as my recent and former old testament teacher would say, is descriptive not prescriptive...
necessarily
i don't know if there is any encouragement in that or not. but it seems to me that God is perparing you. in fact i get the distinct impression that you are agent wife are only coming out of the fire long enough to go on the anvil for a moment of pounding, and back into the fire again.
interestingly enough, its not just fire, pound, fire, pound, fire, pound in sword making. all that pounding stresses the metal severely. you have to do something called annealing, this involves heating the blade to the temperature at which it is no longer magnetic and letting it cool slowly back to room temperature...
this usually takes 12 to 24 hours
the result is a blade that it ready to be tempered
and then used in battle
i don't know if any of that helps, if it were me i'd be prayin' almighty hard for a break. but i believe you should be encouraged that you are being prepared to do mighty work for the Lord.
i said the other day that maybe not being able to pay the bills would be a sign that you should get a job.
i'm not so sure thats right
i'm prayin for ya man!
further, i'm listenin for ya!
hold fast
you are a part of my great cloud of witnesses.
Maybe you don't have to get a full-time job.
With your garden and your lack of income, you sound a little like Thoreau* - so maybe you could do like him and make money working a bit at a time. I think it's in Walden that he says he can make enough in 6 weeks to pay for himself for a year. With kids, I guess you could multiply that times 4 or 8 and be in the ballpark.
*Of course, your theology is way different from Thoreau's. But still.
Jack -
Thanks for the good words. I have great respect for them.
We were told basically the same thing 2 years ago when AO1 was born and we lost all financial support at the same time.
We found ourselves on the same side of the counter as the poor, asking for various assistences, help, etc. I never really knew what it was like until then.
Our friend said it was like we had graduated past poverty 101 and were now in upper level advanced field training.
Not to disrespect your words, but sword imagry and college course analagies don't pay my bills...
I will be obedient to the CEO and stick the course. If this course is to land employment, let it happen quick...
Thanks again, Jack.
Matthew:
Thanks.
Unfortunately...along with other things falling apart in my life...my garden sucks this year. Real bad.
I mean, plants are alive and big and green. But they haven't produced jack. I have no explanation other than the heat and I've heard this same story from several other local gardeners.
Maybe this is another garden files report...that garden always seems to reflect my life one way or another...
but sword imagry and college course analagies don't pay my bills...
Ha, no offense taken!
i actually thought, "no shit, they don't pay for you and i don't think they're gonna pay for me either..."
oh well, i gave it a wimpy shot anyway.
peace
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