heightened sense of calling

Tonight I had an overwhelming sense of my agent calling. Like maybe the CEO had contacted me for the first time in months, if not years and said, "you're on the right track. Keep going and step it up a little".

We were at another Sanford BBQ party. In the summer months, these come about every other weekend. Tonight's occasion was that it was both Frieda and her daughter Jessie's birthday. Or it had been their birthdays recently. Or somebody's birthday.

There was a new friend of Frieda's present - Fran. I've never seen or met Fran before. But Frieda and Fran claim that they've known each other since 1991.

Fran looked about 75 years old. But she was probably 60 or less and had just lived a hard and fast life. All of Frieda's friends and family are like that.

I over heard Fran tell Agent Wife that she had a son and a daughter. And her daughter died at age 16. All she knows was that her daughter was anonymously dropped off at a local emergency room all doped up and brutally raped. And later, she died at the hospital. I assume that means she was murdered.

Fran was having a rough and emotional night. My young son and daughter were making her cry some. She knows she has a granddaughter somewhere she never met as she's lost all contact with her son. Fran was more than a little drunk and needed lots of attention. I think Agent Wife attended to her while I bathed and bedded our kids.

And somehow before all of this took place, I felt this extreme heightened sense of my calling. Like for the first time, I felt that maybe this agent schtick of mine isn't some bullshit facade that I made up for the internet. Or maybe there's more to my life than I feel on days I'm mowing grass and trimming trees.

So at that moment, I felt the urge to pray silently for the CEO's spirit to be around us all tonight.

And I don't usually get super spiritual at our neighbor's BBQs...