Tuesday, June 12, 2007

dream report #005

Calling all (so called) dream interpreters. Help me out here, please.

I had another recurring nightmare last night. “Recurring” as in, I had it before on February 22nd of this year, as well as many other undocumented times. “Nightmare” as in, this dream involves me working at my first job out of college.

I was a Master Control operator at a local TV station. MC is in charge punching in various commercials and running programs, all by watching a digital clock and performing at the precise second. Basically, MC is in charge of what gets aired at the very moment you watch TV. Much like a radio DJ, but without being an “on-air” personality. It involved many levels of multi-tasking, long nurse-like shifts, being alone in a small dark and extremely cold room (all equipment had to be 68-72 degrees), very low pay, incompetent and bossy coworkers, and...watching 40+ hours of network programming a week.

It’s basically my personal description of hell. I did it for three years. It’s the last job on earth I’d ever want to do again. So anyway:

I was on the job for the first day pulling a 12 hour shift at a local TV station (not the same one I was employed at 10 years ago). Nobody trained me. I was left alone to work. I knew exactly what needed to be done, but I didn’t have a freaking clue on how to do it since it’s been 10 years, plus the technology has changed. Along the way I kept figuring out little bits of the job, all the while screwing up on the air programming...big time. Towards the end I was getting fairly good. But then I remembered that I was supposed to have been logging everything down on paper by hand. Whoops.

That’s it.

My guess is something to do with having a task, knowing what needs to be done, and not knowing how to do it.



Barbara said...

the first prayer I learned when I started recovery is "I pray for knowledge of my higher power's will for me and the power to carry it out"

I don't believe that we are given tasks that we do not have the tools/ability to perform. It's the confidence that I lack.

You and your family are in my thoughts.

Tangerinetinselbreeze said...

First, just out of curiousity- why did you not record all of the times you have had this particular dream in your dream journal?
What was it about that job that made it "hell?" Was it the monotany? The crappy attitudes, the combination? Is there anything that you could have changed that would have made it tolerable? I have had very few recurring dreams, really curious why this one has affected you so much...

Agent B said...

I think I did record it several times, but didn't feel like going back and trying to find where...I don't know.


1) stressful. An unseen audience is counting on you to perform well. And a clock is ticking with certain things that are suppose to happen at certain times. That is hell to me.

2) It is a very lonely job. That is also hell to me.

3) TV is hell. I haven't owned one for over 10 years because of this job. I felt like a cog in the machine of lies. I saw (and unwillingly participated) first hand how "news" is created and presented as fact and/or something important. Media is bullshit.

Hope that answers your questions...

Jenelle said...

Maybe it's not so much the symbols or the interpretation that's happening but the releasing that's happening. 3 years is a long time.

I think our old personal hells need to work their way out of our psyche from time to time. This is sort of going on with me right now, too. I think it's God's way of making sure we're healthy way down where deep calls out to deep. Or something.

That would be a hellacious job, for sure.

mike miller said...

Agent b-

This recurrent nightmare is very common for those who have worked in TV. Even those who have been out of it for a decade.

I've had it innumerable times myself, even down to the first day going back to the job kind of thing.

I don't think it means anything except Thank God I'm not in TV anymore.