Sunday, February 24, 2008

evang-e-droppings #012

The weather was perfect for collecting evangelical trash this weekend. And I had a rare opportunity to be accompanied by my wife and kids. The day before I worked two different jobs totaling 15 hours, so since we didn’t get to see each other much that day, we made this a family affair.

We netted an above average of 39 tracts. My 19-month old girl brought a little basket with her and collected tracts like easter eggs. It was funny.

Last week when I was alone, I found about 59. But I was out sick the previous two weekends, so I’m sure most of those have been stacking up over my absence.

I have a confession. I am addicted to evangelical porn.

Seriously. Since the initiation of this Evang-e-Dropping Eradication Operation, I have done research and tried to crack into the mind of the evangelicals who pass out tracts and employ the often abusive tool of witnessing with words on a proverbial soap box.

One of the things I stumbled across in my research was a blog written by one such individual on behalf of a small group of tract-passers and “witnesses”. They reside and operate in a nearby West Texas town. So obviously I lurked and paid attention as we live near each other.

Their blog is written in a similar agent format to mine, calling posts “reports” and such on various “witness” outings. But our similarities end there. This troupe does not employ the Matt 6:1-4 mantra as they are proud to post amateur video of themselves “preaching” the gospel to unsuspecting random passers and/or captive audiences.

Also, the tone of their writing often belittles those who are different from them in any way.

One recent video shows the writer of this blog standing on a small step ladder and yelling across the street to a crowd. There was a mass of people waiting outside to hear visiting President Clinton who was in their town campaigning for his wife. The writer/yeller often used various subtle debate tactics and mildly demeaned the handful of crowd members who politely challenged his method, not his message. The rest of the crowd simply looked embarrassed for the poor yeller.

I know this example is extreme, but I can’t seem to alter my current opinion:

Evangelicals are assholes.

I assume this yeller fantasizes that he/she are like John the Baptist or perhaps Jesus himself by calling on the masses to repent and change their ways for the end is near and very real.

But these folks seem to lack some sort of credibility. Or maybe it’s lack of respect for the people they address. People wanted to hear John. They inconvenienced themselves and traveled to the desert to hear him.

People wanted to hear Jesus. 5000+ followed him to a remote hillside on various occasions. I don’t think people today are going out of their way to hear evangelicals like this YouTube yeller.

But none the less, I can’t seem to stop lurking on this person’s blog. It’s fake and alluring like porn. Perhaps I should delete it cold turkey from my blog reader.

I need help.


mike said...

so er, uh, what is the link to the site?

Agent B said...

Sorry. I refuse to a) give them traffic and thus b) open a door to any potential word wars with these guys and me. So I don't link to them.

With people like this, you can't win. Ever. Because they stack the deck, keep the upper hand at all times, surround themselves with their own kind, and give you no equal footing for response.

Their blog has a comment moderator enabled. And I've watched them not post comments in their entirety so they can re-word them in a post, etc. How nice.

Email me if you really want to read their porn. Then I'll think about it...

Wes said...

I can feel the love in your post. Have you ever read Jeremiah? They didn't like him either. Even though NOT one person listened to Jeremiah God kept telling him to go and warn the people of Israel. No one listened, do you know what happened? Fun stuff.


Agent B said...

Wes -

So let me get this right. You are comparing assholes to Jeremiah?

Sorry man. I see no comparison.

Sure. Jeremiah told people things they didn't want to hear. TV tells me things I don't want to hear. Big deal.

Anonymous said...

we humans are very curious creatures. we are way more curious than cats.

mike said...


Jeremiah... nice. i love it when folks bust out a randomn example that is vaguely similar from the OT and use that as a way to spuriously justify the way so called modern prophets behave.

Didn't Jerry get naked too? I would argue that for your justification to be valid then these folks would need to be naked as well.

But then, I have seen the website and trust me, no one wants to see these folks naked. Apparently the Lord is angry about many things we sinners do, but being a big fat ass isn't one of them (and neither is being an uneducated dumb ass).


I was just going to comment that I checked out the site. But I just did that so...

Agent B said...

According to statcounter, wes was a random drive-by that found me via a comment I left on another blog. He won't be back.

And that blog was Josh Brown - well known for being the kind of guy the wesses of our world hate.

Wes said...

LOL you guys are sad but funny. Unfortunately I don't get to spend every waking moment blogging.

Mike and Agent b, if you guys think you are any better than those other folks then you are sadly mistaken. Your vitriol is sickening. I guess you guys forget the great commission that Jesus commanded from us. I wonder what you think about Paul barging into the local synagogues preaching the word of Christ. I could just see the to of you outraged. Too funny.

I guess your foul mouthed cussing is going to lead people to the love of Christ. Nice job boys

Agent B said...

Thanks for returning, Wes. I'm not a fan of drive-by commenters, so I'm glad you're not one.

Blogging: yeah, I thankfully have a fairly loose schedule. So I respond to blog stuff more than most folks I guess.

Think I'm "better": No. I don't think I'm better than anyone. Quite the opposite. I can truly be a dumb-ass.

Cussing: well, my view on that subject was stated here - if interested. Basically: no one here is "cussing" people in or out of the kingdom. But christians sure justify their judgements of those who say words they don't want to hear.

I believe the belittling nature of your first comment is case-in-point.

All the best,

Agent B said...

Oops. Wrong "here" was linked. Oh well...dumb-ass.


Wes said...

That is calling the kettle black.

You don't like being challenged on your ideas? No one is allowed to question your attitude?

It's obviously ok to check mine though. Thanks. The irony.

Your use of profanity is abusive and if you think that is how to be an ambassador of Christ then you are mistaken. Calling evangelicals an expletive is offensive to say the least and shows your level of maturity.

mike said...


Just a couple of things: first I could give a fuck about the great commission and all that christian bullshit. i don't believe. second, i checked out your little blog and you have plenty of bad things to say about other christians that you don't agree with. and that my friend is the pot calling the kettle black! ha ha.

like your criticism of the emergent folks. i am sure they are so worried about not meeting your definition of what is true. how did you define it on your little bio? "What is truth? Truth is something I believe AND it is actually true. Lots of people today talk about personal truth (subjective truth). Unless what they believe is actually true then it’s not truth. Truth is not SUBJECTIVE."

So your definition of "what is truth?" is what you believe AND it is actually true. But, then, you reject subjective truth even though you just defined "what is truth?" with a subjective statement.


And, well I do think I am better than those folks. I am smarter, better looking and not a big deuche who pushes my shit onto other people.

have a nice day ;)

Wes said...


Thanks for the diatribe.

mike said...


you are welcome! and of course, like all you eh-vangelicals you claim to know the absolute truth yet can't or refuse to reply with or make any kind of logical argument based on that certain hold on what is true and what isn't.

Wes said...

Thanks Mike,

You have proved your superiority completely. I am a tard.

mike said...

Good. Now that you have recognized my superiority, bow down and kiss my pinky ring.

Agent B said...

Wes said: "You don't like being challenged on your ideas? No one is allowed to question your attitude?"

Please show me what you are talking about. I welcome challenges and questions. Because I don't have all the answers. As I said earlier, I can be a dumb-ass.

Admittedly, calling fundamentalist tract passers "assholes" was abusive of me. I am wrong. But I can't think of any other word to describe their behavior as I get to know them more and more.

Or better yet, I can no longer see a difference with believers of their nature and assholes.

mike said...

Yeah B, a GOOD Christian would never say "asshole."

Anonymous said...

yep, humans are curious.

Brian said...

Um . . . B, sorry I haven't dropped by for a while. Looks like I've been missing all sorts of crazy fun.

Agent B said...

Hey Brian!

Thanks for dropping by.

Yes, you have missed "fun". Albeit very rare nonsense. Yet it seems common in these blog-parts.

And how are you?

Wood said...

Agent B: I followed a series of links here and found your blog by chance.

I can't express how much I sympathise, and how uncomfortable - in a good way - posts like this have made me.

Agent B said...

Wood - it makes me uncomfortable too. Thanks.

Anonymous said...


Oh to the smell of burning books and mindless (wes) banter.

This is why I am Celtic,

Fight convert and conquer is the Christian way, LOL



Leanne said...

Okay, I debated posting this because I found on an acquaintances website but I thought it only fair to warn you so here goes:

I kid you not, B.

Lord help us all.

Leanne said...

I don't think the people who are anonymously placing tracts on the windshields of people's cars in the parking lot of a bar are following the "tract rules", B.

I really don't.

Leanne said...

and just to reiterate, I don't think tracts in and of themselves are bad.


I'm done.

I think.

Andy in Germany said...

I well remember being forced to listen to/support people shouting at the masses to believe, and being belittled for asking if this was effective/useful/scriptural/loving. I'm afraid that the 'Fight, convert and conquer' approach is alive and well- and if it didn't work, funnily enough it was always the fault of passers by for being 'closed' to the gospel. hmm...

Glad to be out of that world, to tell the truth. I still believe in the Gospel, but I don't think I ever believed in this sort of evangelism.

It's good to know I'm not alone...

Agent B said...

Andy - Being belittled for questioning this tactic from within??

That's an interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing.

Leanne said...

Okay, heard this today on my way to work: "It's more important to make tracks than to give them." J. Vernon McGee from his daily Through The Bible radio program.

Thought of you so hard I had to scratch it on a napkin so I'd remember to tell you about it.

I think you and the Agent clan should have t-shirts made that say this. I'd pitch in to cover the costs if you'd wear them and then have a picture of the Agent clan (faces obscured, of course :P ) with your backs to the camera and A.O. 2 picking up tracts and placing them in her basket "like easter eggs".

I'm bad, huh?

Sorry. It's just a very vivid mental photo op, albeit a staged one.


Agent B said...

Leanne -I'd wear that shirt. Gladly.

Along with a shirt with that WWJD graphic featuring Jimi Hendrix.


Leanne said...


Andrew said...

Your "diatribe" on Wes was perfect. A short visit to his website and you completely dismantled him. He didnt even try to defend after that.

Goodness gracious those fundies reproduce like rabbits and irritate like cockroaches... and destroy the hearts of good people everywhere.

Mike said...

Wait a minute: Porn is FAKE?!?

Agent B said...

This is funny..

It's been TWO weeks since this post and there's at least 4 or 5 newer posts after. Yet it STILL keeps getting comments.

This post even got comments spilled over into the next post.

I need to call evangelical/fundies asshole more often.

Leanne said...

I love this, B.


Where did Mike go to rattle the cages?