Friday, February 23, 2007


It’s official: as of Tuesday night, Obi-Wan is legless. And therefore he is more high-needs and high maintenance than ever. Change isn’t easy for him. He’s done everything himself his entire life.

Obi-Wan is still in the hospital, recovering from surgery before his move to rehab. His niece Emma Mae returned to Waco for the time being. His son Lamont returned to Houston to pack up his belongings and make the move to the fair mother city.

So meanwhile, Obi-Wan’s only caregivers are the nurses at the hospital, and my wife and I.

I’m discovering that hospital nurses and aides can only do so much. I mean, Obi-Wan needs help doing everything now.


And I’m finding my initial reluctance in aiding him with various bodily tasks to be shallow and pathetic. Fair weather friend-ish. I’m exposed to be a fraud.

Sure, it was easy (for me) to be Obi-Wan’s friend when he only needed: his yard done, someone to sit with him during the lonely hours, share a meal on occasion, drive him to the store, assist with cashier transactions, and so forth.

But why am I not as overjoyed to assist with: urinations, defecations, constant readjusting himself in the bed for comfort and the outbursts that accompany all of this.

I feel like an exposed fraud.


Deana said...

The fact that you are there and trying proves you are no fraud. Prayers for you and agent wife for strength and compassion.

Miller said...

you, a fraud???


that is complete crap right straight from the pit of hell!

don't buy it!

dude you are entering a new season of friendship and obi-wan isn't the only one who's lost a leg...

you and AW and AO1 and AO2 have all experienced amputation!

it was the amputation of a part of your very good friend and you will have to learn to deal with his loss no less than he will...

cut yourself some slack buddy

you may never be able to help with the more private things he needs...

but i'll bet you will if he really needs you.


Anonymous said...

I know you don't like anon comments but I'm going to say it anyway.

The question for you to think abour now is...

Now that you feel exposed, what can you do to change it?

Agent B said...

what can you do to change it?

Well, I guess since this "heart disease" of mine was caught in its early stages, before it redefined my relationship with Obi-Wan...

...I'll just continue being there for him. Turning it up a notch or so.

My heart hasn't turned ill towards him. But it could have got there eventually.

Anonymous said...

I think anyone, blood related or friend, would feel the same way about cranking up the type of help you described. We have a friend who actually had to do this for his elderly mother. He went through stages of uncomfort, embarassment, and finally no thought about it. The CEO will be the arms for both you and Obiwan, AW and kids.