My Fridays at the Baptist Beach Head are getting harder and harder. Today was only my 4th week to join in. As much as I desire to make friends with the homeless and poor again, I'm finding it easier and more tempting to stay home.
Hanging out at the BBH is not rocket science. For an hour or 2 I sit in the basement and play dominoes with folks who are waiting their turn for a shower. Then I go upstairs and help Leslie set up for the lunch meal, usually setting the tables or pouring drinks. You can train a monkey to do my job.
My undercover, covert operative is to develop relations with the poor. And about 10% of the folks I see are people I knew well from the old izzy days 3-6 years ago, so I would assume that I already had in-roads with them.
Last week my cover was blown. I was playing dominoes and the woman who's 2nd in command of the BBH came down to bring up one of the homeless guys for a meeting. On her way out she looked at me and announced, "He'll be right back, Agent B"...
I thought I was about to get shot or be used in hostage negotiations. Every head in the room (about 8-10) slowly turned to me after her words were innocently muttered, and the look on their faces was "oh...you're not one of us. Your one of them". The two previous weeks the homeless guys accepted me without suspicion. Sure, I don't "look" homeless. But I blended in so they never took notice of my presence. Until now.
Today, my old pal Momo (also see here), who usually goes through a jack-ass spell once a month, was at the front door parking his buggy when I arrived. He asked point blank, "So why do you come here? Have you finally found a new place of worship or are you here to bull-shit with me?" "Bull-shit", I smirked.
At the old izzy ministry, Agent Wife started a women's group called "Friends", named after Jesus' words in John 15:15. A schitzoid woman named Jerriann saw right through it. "We're not friends. Friends go and do stuff together. Like go to the mall, and watch movies". She was right. In the end, it was just another program and we were just ministers pushing a do-gooder agenda to feel good about ourselves.
The poor can see right through us. They know when people are being real or fake. I don't believe I'm faking it at the BBH. But Momo and the gang of new faces suspect something's up with me.
Either the gig is up or I need to stay on target.
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10 comments:
only you can decide.
can you really bridge in with the folks who now suspect you?
do you need to spend your attention in your neighborhood where being "one of them" is possible?
can you work both places?
is it just a job?
only you can decide. i believe in you...
your heart is good and properly motivated...
strength and honor brother, strength and honor.
Thanks for your encouragement, Jack.
Do you have to "go native" to be one of them? What does it mean to be one of them? Have you read the little book UNFINISHED RECONCILIATION, an ACU book about racial stuff? One of the essayists suggests that the idea that we do-gooder whites with status have the mistaken notion that we are going to bring poor black folks up to our level. Perhaps that is a mistaken notion and it hides a lot of arrogance.
I could say a lot to this post. Perhaps much of it would be groping... But in my efforts to be like Jesus, I seek to go to the place of shame and pain in my community and bear the image of God there. I figure that does not mean I will carry a literal cross to the edge of town and literally die on it, but what every it looks like it may well be just that drastic. And remember that when Jesus did it, even those He did it for were not accepting Him.
You are a reporter. You go as my eyes and ears to the place of shame and pain in Abilene, TX, and you send me the message of what you see and hear. That is an entirely different aspect and function of your ministry. I, for one, vote that that you continue this aspect. I think that 'telling the story' is one facet of bearing the image, though it is a mystery to me as to how or why.
Anyway, keep up the good work. Your blog is exciting to me. I have enjoyed browsing through it. It encourages me to do similar thing here in Lubbock.
Blessings....
Sorry I haven't been commenting in forever...I am stinking at that these days. But I have been reading every day.
I don't think you're faking either...there probably aren't a lot of people who would sit down with a bunch of poor/homelss friends and play dominoes for fun. I say friends, because the reports you send I would say that these people are your friends. I don't know any of your friends names beyond ObiWan and the Sanfords that aren't from your stories of the people you meet on the street. You have been "called to be their friend". It's something I am not called to do as alife ministry, but my sister has made her life passion to work with the poor and homeless.
So whether or not they call you friend...it is always your choice to call them yours. And if you do that enough times even the hardest heart will give in and accept you as a friend.
Mike Ex -
I haven't heard of or read that ACU book. My issues here aren't about race or status. I know the "hidden rules" and cultural issues of the homeless and poor fairly well, which is why I "blended in" for the first 2 weeks @ the BBH. Plus, my 7 year experience as the official "director and associate pastor" (of a similar ministry to the BBH that no longer has a physical aparatus) has helped.
I think my issue here was originally stated earlier this week in the "Us vs. Them" post. This event in my cover being blown was the nucleus of that posting. No matter how hard we christ-followers try, there are often "us vs. them" boundaries. I really don't want to make an issue about the woman who "exposed" me. It really was innocent and she has a great heart. I'm not mad at her at all.
Since I'm coming into another group's ministry as an outsider, and since the "us vs. them" boundaries are already established (and every ministry has these boundaries one way or another), and since I have no intention of "taking over" or changing things as all I want to do is be a volunteer, I question my effectiveness there.
I could just put up and shut up or leave. But I'm thinking I need to stay the course until the CEO gives a clear signal to bail out.
My order for being there is as follows:
1) My wife & I's new found friendship in Agent S & his wife Leslie. They have been at the BBH over 3 years. & I met through this here blogosphere. I met Leslie through the izzy group's ministerial contraband gig 2 years ago. We have a great respect for them and Leslie really is shorthanded at the BBH.
2) To develop relations with "the family" again. My dream in life is explained here. And should the floodgates of the CEO's finances suddenly open up making The Table a reality, I'd like to already have some relations with "the family" (poor/homeless) in place.
I don't want to undermine the ministry of the BBH and dozens of others in town. I think there's PLENTY of room for all of them plus The Table. Besides, The Table might not come into existence for years for all I know. Maybe it won't even be in this city. But I feel like I should prepare...
Thanks for yur encouragement and for Deana's.
oops. There's 2 different links in that long blue sentence...
I don't know about Momo, but I really believe that Jerriann's comment was not as much an attempt to expose, but a plea. She wanted to be friends! She wanted to break down the barriers. She was challenging us, even asking us, in her own way, to go the distance. At the same time, I think those who have become homeless or less social by their lives are fearful of relationship as much as we are, or at least as unknowing in how to accomplish true friendship together. I know we became friends to some degree by the way we feel about each other and greet each other today, but I know there was a lot further to go. Laying down our lives for our friends is a very high order indeed, and to do it for a homeless, schizo friend takes Jesus' love in us. Bit by bit, we are being changed, but it certainly isn't over night!
i feel you b, i just don't know what to say.
wow!
Instead of belaboring what you probably are already thinking or burdening you down with the thoughts of a man from the "establishment"- I send you my prayers and my love, brother. What I appreciate about you most is that you are someone who cares about those that have been forgotten.
Even if you do cuss a lot :-)
I find that as I read we agree about more than we disagree. Oh, finally getting around to my comment: Balaam's ass- a great story! We all need to be listening loud and clear because the Lord's preferred method of communication seems to always be through a talking ass.
Grace and Peace, B.
your friend, will
Nice to know we have more in commn than just Szechuan.
Thanks for your words and thanks for stopping by.
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