bite the bullet...get a blog

I never wanted a blog. Nope. Never. I'm convinced blogs are for people with ego problems. Or maybe confidence issues.

"A blog?" I says to myself. "Only if I was completely anonymous". I can't see putting my personal digs on the world wide waste-of-time. There's dignity within me somewhere. I've been journaling since 1991. I have a stack of chemistry notebooks (light blue canvas cover w/ dark blue binding and yellow pages) written in black felt ink...all for the possible amusement of my great great grandchildren. They'll probably post them on the world wide brain implant web in 2091. What will I care. I'll be dead.

I want to live in reality 24/7. Realness is how the CEO (G-O-D) operates. I grew up with a lot of falseness in my home...mom & dad only pretending to get along when we were at church, etc. I don't watch TV because of its overt fakery. Therefore I don't own a TV - and not for some kinda religious reason. I seldom watch movies and when I do I watch them with caution because I don't want to be sucked into that fantasy universe for too long, especially after the movie's over (sci-fi fans anyone?? - Yes, I use to be one). I really don't like plays. At all. I know those actors go home at the end of the night just like me even if they tried convincing me otherwise for 2+ hours.

All that to say: I despise falseness but I have an alter ego: Agent B (aka secret agent B). Yes...the irony puzzles me. But the reason for "Agent B" lies within the CEO's book. Matthew 6:1-4 to be precise. I am, by all uses of the term, a minister. I "work" (highly exagerated quotes) within a benevolent group (izzy) in Abilene, Texas - the mother city. Izzy once had a physical location where the poor, homeless could "go". I, therefore, could easily spew answers of my "occupation" at middle class social affairs:
"Yes, I work at Izzy. *We* minister to the working class poor and homeless."
"Oh that's SO GOOD", they'd reply with a mothering affection. Then they'd change subjects and talk about a new TV show.
Yay me. Whoopee. I got my reward!! Throw Matt 6 down the toilet. Who needs a heavenly reward when we have man's approval.

Through circumstances beyond my control (and I truly believe the CEO know's what he's doing) Izzy has been through a 'Job-like' crisis. We lost most everything. No building, no identity, nothing. Yet we still exist. Izzy was thrust into a semi-anonymous role in our community (hey...we ain't looking for press). Thus...Agent B comes to life. Izzy may have something more concrete in the future, but who cares. I'm just a field agent now and loving it. A missionary, I guess, imbedded within the poverty culture of the mother city, USA. No name tag, no office (does Starbuck's count?) no big sign on a building, etc. Just friends, neighbors, and situations throughout the city and beyond.

...and I still don't do well in middle-class social rantings about my "job". Did the CEO's son (Jesus) have a job? At the wedding party where he provided the booze from water tap did he mingle with strangers? And when asked for his line of work what did he say? 'I'm your saviour'? 'I defeat sin'? 'I'm a physician'?

So there it is...the pilot post. We'll see if this blog lasts through September '05...